Monday, 7 September 2009

Why am I doing this?

For the fans... and for the love of the music...

I've been DJing professionally for 10yrs now and I'll be honest with you. The only reason I am doing it is because of the touching support from my fans around the world.

I've had a really tough past few weeks, SO many shit things have happened, including several promoters ripping me off and being unprofessional. It's disappointing as one of them I considered a friend. He owes me £50 - which is such a stupidly small amount to fall out over. He agreed to pay me it but when I asked for it he was rude to me. Well, he can keep it. I valued our friendship more than that which I guess was wrong. Is there really no friends in business?

Likewise other promoters I played for recently. My kindness in helping them out has been returned by ducked calls and me having to chase around after €50. Next time I won't be so kind & generous. I will just look out for number one... who cares if people think I'm a bitch, I know I'm not!!

There also wont be a next time playing for either of these promoters, because in their eyes I have done wrong. People see what they want to see, regardless of the truth or what is right. That is something I have learned this Summer.

I am writing these experiences so you can have an insight into my world - no other reason (dear reader please do not read anything more into my words!). This is what happens in this job... always has - always will. Perhaps my best response would be to pretend nothing has happened, be nice and go feed these guy's egos for the possibility of more bookings off them...

But alas, that ain't me. I've never been one to be nice to someone who doesnt deserve it. I just wash my hands of them and remove them from my consciousness. I always forget about the bad things people did to me. I don't carry around resentment or unforgiveness.

The sad thing is how I feel about DJing now, I find it hard to be positive sometimes. I have been doing this so long and now I'm tired.

I do this for very little reward and with this credit crunch it seems people want to pay DJs even less than they did 5yrs ago! Half-naked female "DJs", who offer extras for even lower fees than us real female DJs, don't help either.

Recording & promoting my weekly radio show, making tunes and trying to source DJ work takes up the majority of my time. Yes music is my dream and it's taken me around the world and I've had some wonderful experiences. Something has to give now. Last week I felt like giving it all up to get a 'proper job', I would have so much more materially if I did this, but my soul would die.

Then I got the usual lovely guestbook comments from fans and Facebook messages... so many people said "please don't stop doing what you do", "don't ever stop" etc - almost in reply to my feelings. There seemed to be more of them saying that than usual, so I reconsidered.

I know music is my calling, so I wont ever give it up, you lot will be pleased to know!
It's just not my number one - not until I get my lucky break.

I am different now... I'm not sure if it's "no more Ms Nice Guy" (to quote Miss Piggy), or if it's a more time is money approach... or both! I'm going to do what is required, and change my angle. I'm out of the negativity of the past few weeks, I have learnt from it, deleted and moved on.

I'm grateful:
To have worked with so many lovely promoters so I know there will be more.
To have played in so many great places so I know there will be more.
My production is getting better and better so I know there is hope.

It's so important in life to see the positive things. Without hope there is nothing: or as Paulo Coelho (my favourite Tweeter!) said this week:
"I believe that without hope we r lost. I hope that the day will come that peace will be everywhere"

And today's quote is quite aptly:
"07/09: you can choose to be a victim of the world or an adventurer who faces challenges. Up to you.
I choose the LATTER!!

"paulocoelho@annakiss I also have off days, they are part of life. If you don't feel down and out sometimes, it is because your heart became a stone"
Ok so he didnt really answer my question but it is a great answer anyway!

And last but not least, for positivity I look no further than the wonderful Joey, my facebook friend, who is the most positive person despite whatever life throws at him. Joey, you are a total inspiration. What I have seen on your facebook page this week has really opened my eyes to true positivity, I aspire to be like you.
Read his blog here:

Thanks for reading... until next time

1 comment:

Stacy said...

You can't appreciate the sun with a little rain.
Hard to swallow some days. I completely understand how you feel and I have felt that way often myself.
I try to remember the sun/rain but know that sometimes...the 'rain' sticks around longer than it is welcome.

Keep your chin up! We all love you!